Is it Bravery or Stupidity?

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Hey Party People, 

As I concluded the final days of my role at my job, naturally I experienced many emotions. Some expected and some surprising, or maybe I was just avoiding them. 

I was excited 

I was scared

I was exhilarated

I was sad

I was anxious

Taking this step towards a new life, away from everything I know career-wise, gives me those fluttering butterflies. Those butterflies progressed from excitement to fear in my final days. With each person that sent me off with best wishes, and excitement to see where I end up, I began to feel these jolts of uncertainty. I thought, where will I end up, or what will my next step be? In making this decision early on – though it was agonizing, as I write about in “What It Feels Like to Level Up” – there was this inner knowing that I was going to be ok. As the decision became more and more real with each passing day those tiny little gremlins returned and my faith was being tested. Still is as I write this. 

By leaving I am 100% betting on myself and my abilities as Sara, that I… Am…. Enough.  But those tiny little gremlins are whispering in the back of my mind, “what if you’re not?” 

In some ways, I think humans are funny, or maybe it’s just me. When people give me unconditional support and express unwavering faith that I will land on my feet, I cower. I question EVERY dang compliment and downplay their words of encouragement. Alternatively, knowing my stubborn self, if people were questioning my move, didn’t think I could make it, or simply said it was a stupid call I would do everything in my power to prove them wrong. No one can tell me I am not enough…. except for myself apparently. 

It’s interesting to dissect how our beliefs take shape. The ones we internalize from others and the ones we give power to within ourselves. In That Person in the Mirror, I write about those thoughts we say to ourselves over and over. We are so quick to believe the negative thoughts and opinions, but brush off the positive ones. We even look for evidence to disprove people’s kind words. And this is exactly what I was doing as I finished up my final week. My faith in myself was wavering. 

But why…. why am I doing this? In all honestly, I thought my first post after finishing my job was going to be one EXUDING with positivity, bliss, and pure joy! Freedom is now mine! But instead, I’m writing my truth – I don’t know what I’m doing. 

I am heading to Canmore for an extended weekend and I’ll be there when this lands in your inbox. I was encouraged to celebrate this move and this decision that put myself first, a choice that was made for ME. Don’t get me wrong I am excited, but those feelings are mixed up in all kinds of anxious feels and uncertainty. 

What I want each of you to take away from this post is this…

CHOOSING YOURSELF IS SCARY.

Making decisions that help you step into the life you want is not easy – in the decision-making phase, the aftermath, or in building the life you dream of - it's going to be a struggle. We all struggle every day though, don’t we? Wouldn’t you rather struggle to work for what you want instead of struggling in a life you never did? We have been conditioned to accept the status quo and that choosing ourselves is selfish. I refuse to buy into these myths and encourage you to give them up also. STOP ignoring your inner voice that is trying to guide you. Kick your gremlins and Ego to the curb and give space to your intuition and inner knowing. Choose you because you are worth it and you are enough. I believe in you, even if you don’t just yet. 

Inspirational Party Jams will be on repeat as I spend my first weekend of freedom out in the beautiful mountains. 

You can get stronger one small step at a time.

Stronger (Ft. Kesha) – Sam Feldt (Spotify)

Stronger (Ft. Kesha) – Sam Feldt (YouTube)

And don’t be afraid to be different. 

Different – Micah Tyler (Spotify)

Different – Micah Tyler (YouTube)

With Gratitude, 

-S

P.S. Did you miss last week's inspo? Check it out here. Money on Ma Mind talks about the power we give money when making decisions about our job.  


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