To Stay or to Go

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Hey Party People,
We’ve done a pretty good job of keeping our COVID numbers low in the province, staying home and limiting our contact with ... well everyone. And its worked exactly as they had hoped, we flattened the curve. Now its time to start loosening up some of our restrictions. Non essential health procedures are starting up again, things like physio and chiro are able to take patients again and come May long weekend cafes, bars, and restaurants have the option to begin opening their doors again. YAY! This is good right?
Truthfully I have complete mixed feelings about it all. First of all yes I want to hug the crap out of everyone I see. This is what I miss the most and I truly want to see my friends and spend time with people in real time, but I’m also hesitant. I can feel a resistance to what this will look and feel like. Just because things are opening up does that mean I should go out? Just because restrictions are loosening does that mean I can see my friends again? I was excited when I first heard the news and then thought, wait… things can’t just go back to how it used to be. Everything is still going to be so different. COVID is still here.
We’ve trained our brains and changed our behaviours to view COVID-19 and everything outside the walls of our own home as unsafe. We might look at someone wearing a mask and assume they are sick or they are a threat. Heck, I think we view everyone as a threat lately. Through this thing, through this time, we have triggered our fight or flight response and have been living in a constant state of fear, reacting to our surroundings to “stay alive”. As things begin to open up again I think this feeling will actually be heightened even further. For most of us we feel safe at home, and this is where we are spending the most time, so we get a break from the fight or flight triggers. When we leave our homes we begin to look, act, and feel in ways that are out of fear. Personally, I can feel myself get triggered when I enter a grocery store. I have been able to distance my state of mind from COVID quite well. Day to day, I thankfully do not dwell on the crisis, I just keep on trucking. BUT as soon as I enter the grocery store, I am triggered, I am in that fight or flight mode. With the sanitized shopping carts, and arrows on the ground, and seeing fear in people's eyes if I get to close to them - I get triggered. I have to consciously tell myself its ok and force a kind smile on my face to show others and myself, I am not a threat and neither are they. 
I don’t know how it will feel to go into other spaces and places but it will be a learning process for us all to transition into another adjusted reality.
So now, as places begin to open up again, should I go back out in the world? Should I get my haircut? Can I enjoy a beer with my best friend, at our second favourite pub (our first favourite is choosing not to re-open yet) for the long weekend? Can I once again begin to enjoy the things I’ve missed so much, or not? I flip flop every day because I miss my people, but I also care for my people and want them to be safe. It will be interesting to see how things unfold as restrictions begin to lift. We will have to re-train ourselves to act rationally, instead of reactionary to everything around us.
I’m going to leave you with a beautiful saying a friend of mine says.
In a world that you can be anything, be kind.
So next time you might be feeling triggered or afraid, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are ok, it will be ok, and put a kind smile on your face. It will be with kindness, patience, and smiles that we will continue moving through this thing,
Here’s your weekend party jam,


If you’re online reach out to me on social, say hi ðŸ˜Š
Instagram: @mssarastepa
Facebook: @SaraStepa

With so much gratitude,
-S

PS. I still don’t know how to see comments. My mama just told me she's been commenting on my posts and I DIDNT KNOW! I'm trying to find your comments and haven't yet… Tech is not my fortay haha


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