Being Alone vs. Being Lonely
Today I wanted to dive in
a little bit on connection and how important that is in our current realities. Thank
god for technology Ammi right? I mean who else has 72 new video chat apps on
their phones?? We are all learning and downloading new ways to stay connected
with friends, coworkers and our communities. Its been a learning process for
ALL of us, yes even us millennials 😉 I thought I was up on the
times… until I had to set up my first Zoom call. Ha! It took me about an hour.
We know we’ve lost,
temporarily, the gift of seeing each other physically but we have not given up
on our social ties – and thank goodness because we are social beings and
require connection to be fulfilled. A thought occurred to me the other day about
the difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone is about the physical
absence of others, whereas being lonely is the feeling and absence of others to
share your experience with - either positive
or negative.
I live alone in an apartment
downtown Calgary and have for the past 6+ years. I have learned to love my me
time, my space, and can sit in my thoughts and not want to run screaming for
the hills. Over these past years though I’ve gone through many phases where living
alone has been the best, and worst thing for me. I’ve learned that I can do
anything I want because it’s just me. If I don’t feel like doing the dishes? Don’t
have to. If I don’t want to cook dinner? Popcorn it is! But I could also
retreat and avoid people when I needed them most. If I needed a kick in the ass
to get out of bed in the morning. I didn’t have it. If I needed a hug and a
shoulder to cry on. It was me and my Kleenex box. These experiences are tied to
being alone (not lonely, Ill get to that), and I want you to see especially if
your new to it, that
there are good times and bad. JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE.
Try and seek out the good things you can do with your alone time but if being alone
gives you anxiety that will be challenging. Its ok,… I get it I’ve been there; you’re
stuck in your own head with a revolving stream of your own thoughts (eek scary!).
Which brings me back to the importance of connection. Its important to
recognize what’s streaming in your thoughts and if you’re lacking your social
support or connection.
When we lack
connection, we begin to feel lonely. And this doesn’t just apply to those
living alone, but to those who are with people as well. We can still feel lonely
in a house full of family. This is why I’m focusing on the distinction of being
alone vs being lonely. I’ve shed too many tears to count over the years and
done it alone and felt lonely but now during COVID because I’ve been forced
into a different virtually social world, I reached out to get support when I
was struggling.
When we are lonely,
we are FEELING like we are alone in the world. It weighs on our minds and our
hearts like there is no one to turn to, or that no one cares. It feels easier
to retreat into the dark shadows in our mind and to let that empty feeling win.
DON’T LET IT WIN. Jump on Facetime, Zoom, HouseParty, Messenger, whatever your
app of choice is and connect with someone who fills your cup. Could be your
best friend, your mom or dad, a sibling, or a coworker. Recognize what you are lacking
and seek those who can fill that void.
I think its
also important to stress that each and every one of us is experiencing an upheaval
to our lives, but in DIFFERENT ways. We may want or expect others to show up
for us in these times, to reach out and ask how we are (and thank heavens for those
people who do). But try and release those expectations of others during this
time we don’t know what they are going through. And if you know someone is
going through a particularly hard time, reach out, that life raft could be
exactly what they need.
So let's take
control of our day, our connections and choose to stay connected. It's ok to be
alone, but don’t ever believe that you have to be lonely too. In the words of S
Club 7, don’t stop, never give it and bring it all back to you.
Its party
jam time!
YouTube
>> S Club 7- Bring It All Back To
You
Spotify
>> S
Club 7 - Bring it all back to You
Also friends, I added a subscribe button to the
main page of the blog. If you enjoy these posts and they are helping you
through sign up and you’ll get an email when I post next. 😊
With
so much gratitude,
-S
P.S. Follow me on social for live
messages and positive media!
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