Community Manifesto

Hey Party People,

com·mu·ni·ty    /kəˈmyo͞onədē/

Can we just talk about the phonetics of this work for a second… Ha! The weird collection of words written under the word community, yeah the ones that look like gibberish, that’s the phonetics or the guide to how to pronounce this word. Looking at that I would likely pronounce it K--mee--oo--nay--day. I thought it was kinda weird… Anyway!

I wanted to write about community this week, because it’s something that I’ve been missing in my life, in my circles, and it’s something I want to call into my life. But what I’ve learned is that to call anything in we have to get really specific on what it is we want – the universe can’t read our confused minds; it can only understand our true desires. If we don’t know, it can’t either.

So let’s first define what community means. It’s defined as, “a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.” Sounds easy to find right? Well not if you’re unclear about your needs, goals or interests. What, or more specifically, who, do you want in your life? Get super clear on this. I am in this exact stage right now and to help you, help me, I’m going to take us through some stuff.

In order to get clear on what we need, we have to do a quick inventory of who we already have. This will then allow us to call in new people and fill our gaps. Make a quick list of your main circle – this could include family, friends, partners, co-workers, trainers, coaches, mentors, besties, and frenemies. Anyone who you would consistently spend time with or connect with on a regular basis.

 Now go through each person and ask a few of these questions:

• Is this person acting as placeholder?
• Are they there because you feel obligated to keep them in your life?
• What role do they play in your life?
• And the most important question I want you to ask about each of these individuals, is What VALUE do they bring to your life?

A guiding question that has helped me in the past when evaluating friendships or failed relationships is, “was this, or is this, person in my life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime?” I believe there is always a reason, and often a lesson that people come into our lives to teach us, help us through a tough time or they’re a lifer. And we won’t always know what role someone is going to play, or for how long when you first meet them, but we have to create space for people to come in, and out, of our lives. We need to make space for the right people to be there in the right moments.

I’ll share a brief story about a guy I dated a while back who taught me a very important lesson. I thought he was going to be in my life for much longer than he was, but he was definitely there for a reason, he didn’t even make it to a season party people – and thank-god for that! Anyway, when we first started dating, he was so excited about me. For the first 3-4 weeks all he wanted to do was show me off, brag about me to his friends and he even introduced me to his family within weeks of meeting each other. His actions, I later learned, were in response to his ego, but at the time it made me feel worthy and desired. His actions were in stark contrast to a previous relationship I had where I felt I had to constantly fight for recognition. So what this dude taught me was that it’s possible for someone to be excited and proud to be with me, and I should never have to fight for a place in someone else’s life. This goes for relationships AND friendships. So this person was in my life to teach me something, he was there for a reason. 

Ok on with the next step to calling in our Community. Now that we have our inventory, who’s missing, or what are we lacking?

I’m going to use something I learned from the fantastic, beautiful, and inspiring Stacey Flowers. From her website, she describes herself as, an entrepreneur, speaker, and eternal optimist dedicated to influencing amazing people to be more amazing. (She sounds great, doesn’t she?) I had the privilege of seeing Stacey speak at a Rachel Hollis RISE Conference earlier this year, yeah DAYS before the country shut down. In her keynote she walked us through her concept of P.O.W.E.R.

P = People

O = Obstacles

W = Why

E = Expectations

R = Results

Gah, I want to take you through each one of these, because they are all GOLD, but we’re here to build our community, aka our people! When describing our people, she describes the five most important figures you should have in your circle. Now I think we can have more than one person fill in some of these categories but if we strive to have at least someone in each role, we will have a strong circle.

What are these 5 peeps?

A Cheerleader. We all need those individuals who cheer us on no matter what. Those people who celebrate the tiniest wins, and our biggest triumphs.

 

A Mentor. Someone who is pointing you in the direction you want to go. They have achieved what you hope to one day and provide light and guidance on the possibilities.

 

A Coach. This person helps us work through the discomfort. When we are hit with the shitty feels or our tiny little gremlins creep in, they are there to help us get to the roots of our feels.

 

A Friend.  Someone who is connected to our heart. That person, or people who know our true self.

 

A Peer. These are the peeps who understand the arena and the trenches we’re walking through. They might have similar struggles, goals, or be seeking the same knowledge we are.

So do you have people in your inventory that fill any of the above five roles? Do you have people that don’t fill any role at all? The goal for this week is to really dig into who we surround ourselves with and check-in to make sure our main people are the right people! For me, I have maybe two out of the five above, so I have some seeking to do.

Here’s your weekly jam to call in your people Party People.

You Tube >> My People – James Hersey and Jeremy Loops

Spotify >> My People – James Hersey and Jeremy Loops

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With so much gratitude,

-S

PS. If you're reading this from the blog site excuse some of the formatting issues, having some challenges with font sizes!