They Can’t Read Your Mind

Hey Party People,

Connection is hard, especially when life feels hard. What’s unfortunate is that the times we need friends, family, or connection the most, those are the times we least want to reach out for it. I’ve been there and I do it all the time.

I see friends do it often, they retreat, they isolate and stop chatting or calling anyone altogether. Pandemic or no pandemic this isn’t a new behavioural response, but rather a common behaviour so many of us have. Why do we do this? Are we afraid to let people know that we’re sad, upset, or down in the dumps? Or is it that we’re not actually as close with people as we thought, we’re not comfortable reaching out to say we’re not ok. Or is it that we have no idea what’s really wrong and don’t know what to say. Personally, I have been in all three of these boats.

Unfortunately, what I’ve noticed with some friends is that when they are feeling crappy they really just want someone to reach out. They really need a shoulder to cry on, a distraction, or to just feel like someone cares and they aren’t alone. The missing link though is that the friends or family they so desperately need in these hard times, don’t know how much they are struggling. And that’s not their fault.

We get upset when we feel like people don’t care about us, or don’t show up in the ways we need but how can others show up in the ways that we need if we don’t let them know what we need. The challenging paradox here is that WE often don’t know what TF WEV need, so reaching out to ask for it, is next to impossible. It’s a cycle. When we get stuck in this space of not knowing what we need or wtf is wrong with us we get frustrated and angry and then we take it out on those who care about us. We then get mad at our sister, our BFF, our partner, or friends because they weren’t there when we needed them. You see how that begins to layer up?

I tend to retreat when I’m having a hard time.. ok that’s I lie I completely shut people out. I cocoon into my world or I put on this happy face mask so everyone thinks I’m a-okay. Do I want people to reach out, sometimes, but I don’t get mad when they don’t because I don’t communicate with them that something is wrong. Some who know me super well, (mama Steps), can tell, and others make assumptions, but I will cling to that happy face mask and get through on my own. This is how I handle things. Is it the best way? I honestly wouldn’t recommend it but the key piece I’ve learned over the years is that I can’t get mad or blame others when they aren’t there for me. I haven’t let them know what I need. Consider that next time you are struggling, having a hard time, or just feel alone. Wondering why no one cares… they care, I promise you, but they don’t know that you need them right now. They can’t read your mind.

This also goes for the happy times as well. If you want to share something with someone let them know. If you miss someone, let them know. If you want to share a glass of wine and watch a Christmas movie…let…them…know. That is your job and how others receive it is theirs.  It’s a time of year that is the most joyful, and the most somber for many. Keep that I mind this year and A) let people know you need them, and B) reach out to those who you suspect are having a tough go. We owe this to each other, and the expectation of mind-reading gets us nowhere. Reach out and let's keep our connections strong.

Why not have a dance party to liven things up. Here’s your Party Jam!

YouTube >> Prisoner (ft. Dua Lipa) – Miley Cyrus

Spotify >>  Prisoner (ft Dua Lipa) – Miley Cyrus

AAAAND because Christmas is around the corner – I’m officially in countdown mode. Here’s a link to my Spotify Step Into Christmas playlist!

With so much gratitude,

 

-S

 P.S.  Have you heard about my YYC HoliYAYs campaign?! Still need to shop for some last-minute gifts? Consider shopping local and check out the evolving YYC HoliYAYs list here!  Despite new restrictions, stores are STILL open, just at reduced capacities.