Other People’s Opinions

Hey Hey party People!

Life is hard, not just sometimes but often and the easiest way to navigate these turbulent times is with those we love and those we confide in. The connection allows us to feel safe and supported, knowing that someone cares about our well-being. And so many people do, many you may not even think about.

What’s challenging though is when we are in a space of indecision, grappling with making a hard choice for our life. We naturally seek outside counsel. We want to know people’s opinions, thoughts, and get their advice to validate our own, but there’s a problem…

There are very few people who will truly listen to your feelings or understand your experience. Naturally, your people want the best for you – of course they do, they love you. But what happens are a couple of things. First, instead of helping you make the decision that is best for you, they tell you what they would do if they were in your position. They are not you though. Their choice and perspective may be completely different than what’s best for you and your happiness, but what would be best for them if they were in the same circumstance.  Whether they are encouraging you to fly across the world and meet the love of your life, or discouraging you from buying that puppy. It is not their choice or their life and remember it’s easy to give advice, but much harder to be in the position of the decision-maker. At the end of the day, it’s your life and you’re the one who has to live it, so why not live it for you.

The second thing that can happen when we seek advice is that others will project their fears onto us and our situation. Most of this is being done unconsciously, they won’t even realize they are doing it but rather feel they are protecting us from ourselves.  Their fears have been formed over years of their own personal and lived experience and once again this is different from your own. You may carry some of the same fears but you have to understand why you hold them, not why they do. It's important to distinguish between your beliefs and theirs.

So if you’re struggling with a difficult decision in your life, for your family, or in your relationship don’t rely solely on others to tell you what to do. You not only have to make the decision, but you also have to live with it. The triumph or failure that comes from that decision will also fall to you – no one else can take the credit, and you cannot pass the blame.

Personally, I tend to agonize over a decision for days, weeks, maybe even months before I reach out to others. I have always done this, and usually by the time I seek outside counsel I’ve already made the decision, whether I know it consciously or not. Many people may think I’m making rash or spontaneous decisions – like flying across the world to travel for 6 months, alone. But I give each big decision hours of thought and consideration. It is only then that I tell people what I am thinking. What this allows me to do is work through my own fears and barriers before I let other’s fears enter my thoughts. It puts me in a stronger position to understand what I truly want and what my heart is telling me to do.

This doesn’t mean I don’t seek outside counsel in my big life decisions, rather I feel more confident when having a discussion and I have answers to the many questions people have. When you spend time within your own heart and mind you rumble with your own demons before taking on others. You will know what’s best for you if you give yourself the personal space and freedom to decide. Other people’s opinions should not hold more weight, or have more power than your own.

Believe and trust in yourself to make the best choice for you. Life is too short to let other people’s opinions dictate your life. Give yourself permission to live the life you deserve and always dreamed of.

Let’s round this out with a party jam! What’s on your bucket list?

YouTube – Bucket List – Michel Tenpenny

Spotify – Bucket List – Mitchel Tenpenny

 

With so much gratitude,

-S

P.S.  If you’re on social hit me up @TheOnlySaraStepa on Instagram and get personal bits of inspo to get you through each and every week.