Do Your Own Work

Hey Party People,

Do not pass go, do not collect $200. We can’t go back to regular programming. As we all process the uproar in the world for racial equality and begin to acknowledge the inequalities in our city and communities around us, we need to stay focused. And when I say we, I mean the white community. Many in the white community (myself included) are beginning to open their eyes to what is truly going on and the privileges we’ve had throughout our life at the expense of others. If you haven’t quite reached that conclusion yet, get learning and listening because it's true.

I think if white people are being real, honest, and open with themselves these are hard truths to face. It should create some outrage, guilt, confusion, and sadness in your heart and in your mind. Please note that not for a second do I compare a white person’s turmoil and struggle in this process to the experience of the black population. They have lived this reality their whole life and have built walls and resilience against the inequalities they face. For whites, we haven’t understood or have refused to see what surrounds us. Up until now, I have been blissfully unaware of these hard truths, but now I know and I can’t turn away.  

For myself, I’ve been fighting an inner turmoil for the past 10+days. I keep hearing do the work, educate yourself, and have the tough conversations. And I AGREE these things need to happen, but first, at least for myself, I need to process what the heck is going on inside me. I’ve been taught and programmed to live, think, and act a certain way for three decades, I can’t unlearn that in a week and I can’t expect to either. I’m emotional and vulnerable and that is not a space to go into battle.

What I can do is take the time to understand and learn (and unlearn). If we don’t address the feelings that come up for us in this season, we will carry it through to the next, where the work really needs to be done. As my coach recently said to me, we can’t heal what we don’t reveal and when we don’t address what’s going on inside of us, when we push it down or ignore it, it comes back up. It’s come back with a vengeance, and in my experience, it sets you back because you have to relive everything you tried to escape - and it sucks. So do the work now, explore what is coming up for you and why.

Consider your role as a parent and what you have taught or are teaching your children.

As a teacher reflect on how you treat your students, and reeeeallly reflect, do you hold assumptions or praise certain students.

As an employee, executive, or board member are those surrounding your work predominantly white? What could that mean?

What opportunities have you had because of the colour of our skin, or maybe consider what opportunities have others not had because of the colour of theirs.

I encourage this reflection as just that, a thought process, and a place to start. Don’t push it down, or off your social media feeds. Pay attention and look at it, once the media stops covering racial inequality, police brutality, and black lives matter protests, it will become easy to just let it pass by like a brief moment in history. A time when you posted a black square on social media, maybe signed a petition and felt like you did your part. That is not enough and I’m here to remind you not to let it pass, to not turn to the “easy stuff” but instead to dig into the hard stuff. The right answer isn’t always the easy one. Lean in, turn in, and reflect on what’s going on in your head and your heart.

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A little more about my journey to date.

I attended a Black Lives Matter protest last week and I had so many thoughts go through my head before, during, and after. Before I decided to go I wondered if I should even go or be there as a white person (I should have). I questioned if I would be safe from violence (it was completely peaceful, this was a story I was telling myself from US media). I was curious what it would look and feel like (I had never participated in a protest before). I also had a deep desire to learn and to observe. I decided I needed to go, and it was the right choice. I had to be IN it. I heard beautiful and heart wrenching stories. I saw people, of all races and colours, speaking out and banding together. There were thousands of people there and it gave me hope.

The Black Lives Matter movement has momentum right now, and we need to keep it going. I believe a big part of that is ensuring the white population deconstructs and beings to understand what their regular programming is. We have to dig in, understand what and why we need to unlearn and look at what was hiding behind the veil. We can no longer turn a blind eye, innocent ignorance is no longer acceptable.

How can you begin to unpack this? 

1. Social Media. Social media is an echo chamber of your most prevalent thoughts and your mindset. What we scroll reinforces what we already think. Expand your feeds to include black voices.

2. Read a book. Watch a Film. Listen to a podcast. Whatever your medium of choice there are a TONNE of resources out there to just listen, watch and learn. Take it in.

3. Organize and share what you learn. I’ve just joined a BLM book club to keep me engaged and focused. Others might hold a virtual (cause well COVID), film screening. Have you heard of a Netflix watch party? You can watch the same film with friends and have the side chat bar going at the same time. 

4. Talk about it, in a safe space. If you have friends or family you feel comfortable with, bring it up and see if you can discuss what’s going on around you and what it might mean, or doesn’t mean for you.

Take the steps to begin learning and unpacking what was behind the veil. Notice where you dig in your heels or get defensive and notice where you are most uncomfortable. Take notice. If anything you can at least do that. The right choice isn’t always the easy choice, and no its not going to be fun unpacking our biases, or learning we are inherently racist. But once we know better, we can be better. Take the time to get to know your role and position and reflect on what comes up for you. We need to understand our own reaction before we can help move this cause forward.

I honestly believe if we can’t do the work for ourselves we won’t be of use to the movement. If we can’t do the work to understand our position and the inequalities that exist, how will we dismantle a system built on just that?  If you can’t do the work for yourself what makes you think you can stand and fight beside a population that has been oppressed and battered for centuries? You will never know their struggle, or understand their trauma, so don’t try to. But you can understand your own privilege and position, and you can use THAT for change.

Let’s stand for change, and Let’s do the work, and if it feels easy, you’re doing it wrong.

Here’s your party jam for the week from Queen B herself.

YouTube >> Freedom – Beyonce Ft. Kendrick Lamar

Spotify >>  Freedom – Beyonce Ft. Kendrick Lamar

I wish you an intentional weekend ahead and hey give me a follow while you’ll scrolling.

Instagram: @TheOnlySaraStepa

Facebook: @SaraStepa

With so much gratitude,

-S

P.S. If you need to talk or vent about what is going on in your head and heart, don’t go to your black friends. They have enough of their own turmoil to deal with and don’t need to support you through your white guilt. Do the work so you can stand up for what is right and stand beside those friends (you can still stand beside them now) for the long haul.