The Shift

Holla Party People,

I always struggle with how to open these posts, feeling the need to be inspirational right off the cuff, or start with something that catches the eye, but honestly, it can’t always happen that way. Writing is hard. Creativity is challenging. And trying to be inspirational on the regular is its own kind of beast.

And it's even harder when you’re in a rut.

I’ve been exploring and dreaming and reading everything that will help me envision the life that I want. I’ve written it down. I’ve talked about it. I’ve created Pinterest boards to see it and its been fun…. But its also backfired. It feels so far off and so unrealistic. It doesn’t seem possible… and THAT is the rut I am stuck in.

I’m a person who wants to know the steps, and the how. What can I do now that will help me get from where I am to where I want to be? Sure, dreaming is fun, but what’s the tangible, what’s the output, what can I be working on right NOW! to get to that juicy dreamy life of freedom that I envision.

Well. What I keep seeing, reading, and being told is that you can’t plan a dream. You can’t plan a feeling. All you can do is dream it, feel it, trust it, and let it go< thank-you Jen Anderson for these wise words. But my friends I have no idea how to do any of that and it has left me in a rut.

For those of you who know me well, I’m a planner. A MAJOR planner and I struggle with not using my time effectively. I want and need to feel productive to give my life meaning. I need to do my best, something I was taught from an early age, and when I’m not productive, or efficient, or doing my best, I struggle. And in this space where I’m supposed to be dreaming and feeling, I’m sinking. I’m sinking into doubt, into a lack of motivation, into a feeling that I have no control and wonder if any of this is even possible. (Aaand YES I know control is a freaking illusion, but it’s a nice illusion when you think you have it – Ammi right?!)

I just did what’s called a “deep dive” with my coach and it opened up some interesting things for me. It helped link my desire and need to be productive, independent, efficient, etc. with many of the values I was taught as a little girl. I feel like if I’m not achieving then I have no purpose, that I am wasting my potential, or wasting my skills. I questioned why some of the things that bring me the most joy, don’t bring me a sense of achievement. Why do I only feel a sense of achievement when I get a pat on the back or receive an acknowledgement from others that what I did was worth noting. What I’ve concluded is that I equate my worthiness with external validation.

YUCK!! Blaaaahhhhh this sucks and I know I’m not the only one stuck in this boat with someone else steering the dang thing. How many of you are feeling me on this? That in order for your successes or hard work to mean something someone else has to say it does - why can’t it just mean something because WE freaking did it? Why can’t we be enough for ourselves?

When I truly think about it I know I’ve had achievements. I know I’ve done things that others haven’t but because I seek external validation for these things I haven’t acknowledged them as significant, or important – so here goes, me stating some of my accomplishments.

I travelled around SE Asia for 6 months…alone. I left my friends and family and the life I knew to explore a completely different world, diverse cultures, and had life-changing experiences along the way. 

THIS IS AN ACHIEVEMENT.

I have climbed mountains from the Himalayans to the Rockies to the Andes I have pushed myself further than I thought physically possible. 

THIS IS AN ACHIEVEMENT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

I started writing this blog, THE ATTITUDE IS GRATITUDE, in the middle of a FREAKING PANDEMIC. I chose creativity and writing as a coping mechanism to ensure I didn’t let COVID win. 

THIS IS A DANG ACHIEVEMENT.

Writing those statements felt uncomfortable, because I struggle, as you can see with validating my own achievements. When we first begin shifting this narrative and shifting validation from the external to the internal it is going to feel a little yucky, a little uncertain, and completely foreign! Let’s do this together -- Begin to love and acknowledge ourselves and what we have achieved in our life so far. You are an achiever and you are a dreamer. Let’s put these together and make it happen. I hope you will come alongside me as I explore this part of my journey with you.

There is only one you and you only get one life. Let’s go live it and freaking celebrate it.  

Here’s your party jam! No one can be like you.

YouTube >>  Just Like Fire – P!nk

Spotify >> Just Like Fire – P!nk

 

Have a great week! If you like my posts, please share with someone else who might as well 😊 and Say hi on social – Find me on Insta as @TheOnlySaraStepa.